Endure No More
by Kiwichick
Summary: Max has finally pushed Alec too far. What will she have to do to get him back and will he want to go back? M/A
1. Part 1

Endure No More 

**Endure No More.**   
Part 1. 

**Disclaimer: **If it has anything to do with Dark Angel or its production company, then it's not mine. I wish I did own something, but I don't.  


**Author's Note:** This has previously been posted at both Gumboot Mafia and Nuns with Pens. I've finally plucked up the courage to post it here.  
Thanks to scarlet for convincing me that I should continue this story, even though I had already relegated it to the 'nice try, but ain't happening' folder on my computer.  
Huge thanks once again to zacbele for helping me when I got stuck and didn't know how to continue.   


This is my first attempt at angst of any type, and also my first attempt at something other than a stand alone, so please bear with me.   


~~~~ **** ~~~~ 

Alec paced around his apartment like a graceful yet cornered feline, which was exactly how he felt. Cornered. The aftermath of the botched supply run still playing in his mind, and thoughts of Max yet again blaming him, even though it wasn't his fault. 

Although he had experienced feelings of pain, anguish and even love from his time at Manticore, he had never felt like this before. So. So. AAARRGGHHH. He couldn't even begin to describe what he was feeling. That's what made it worse. Not knowing what it was. 

On the one hand, he was pretty sure he loved Max or at least he had up until today. He loved her fire and her passion, it was just a shame she was such a moany, whiny, 'blame everyone but herself' bitch as well. 

Then again, on the other hand, he hated how she made him feel. Sure, sometimes when they bickered he felt more alive then ever before, but most of the time it hurt - hurt him bad. He was getting sick of always having to hide his pain. He could feel the mask slipping more and more each day. But, there was no way in hell he would ever let her know the extent of pain and heartache her words caused him. He refused to give her that kind of power. 

He was fairly certain that Max had some semblance of feelings toward him other than hate. Afterall, if she truly hated him, she would just ignore him rather than let him hang around her. The problem was that even if she did have feelings of anything besides hatred towards him, getting her to admit it would be next to impossible. Hell would freeze over and pigs would fly before that ever happened. 

He knew - well he hoped - that she didn't actually mean all those hurtful things she said about him on a daily basis. That saying about sticks and stones is a whole load of bollocks. At least physical injury and pain goes away, and rather quickly for a transgenic. But verbal abuse, now that's whole a different story. Hear it often enough and you start to believe it, despite the fact that deep down you know it's not true. 

He felt as though he was no longer someone he respected. How could he when he allowed her to treat him like shit? And, despite feeling this way, he kept coming back for more. He was beginning to doubt himself and that was what he hated most of all. The fact that Max could make him feel so insecure about himself. 

It wasn't as if she had ever taken the time to talk to him. She had never showed any interest in getting to know the real Alec, with the exception of that one time after Rachel's death. But he hadn't been willing to open up to her at the time, especially not about something so personal. The pain was still too deep and raw. There was no way on earth he had been willing to open up to Max about Rachel, especially when she had only been asking because she had pitied him and felt obligated - not because she truly cared or was interested. 

How dare she make any assumptions on the type of person he was. Who the fuck did she think she was? He had been out in the real world for little under a year and yet she expected him to be perfectly assimilated into society - a model human citizen. First off, how the hell was he supposed to know how a model citizen behaved. And secondly, he wasn't completely human . . . the good old 'US of A' didn't consider him a citizen even though he had done his duty to his country when ordered. 

How long did it take for 'Miss I Am Better Than Thou' to become a model citizen, if one could even call it that. That's right, it only happened in the last year after she had met up with Logan. Speaking of Logan, that whole 'we're not like that' crap was starting to wear pretty thin. If they weren't like that then why the hell was she still blaming him for the virus? And, what was with the whole 'blame the entire planet's problems on Alec'? Just because her life sucked at the moment there was no need to take it out on him. 

He was at the end of his tether. He wasn't sure how long he could keep up his façade. He had to make a decision, and make it fast, because all this indecision was eating away at him and making him doubt himself. 

And, it was this doubt and confusion that made him feel cornered, trapped.   



	2. Part 2

****

Endure No More.   
Part 2. 

****

Disclaimer: If it has anything to do with Dark Angel or its production company, then it's not mine. I wish I did own something, but I don't.

~~~~ **** ~~~~ 

"That's it, I've had it, I can't do it anymore. I just can't handle it anymore. Why, why does she always do this, and why do I always get hurt when she does it? I can't go on pretending that she has feelings towards me. I mean, it's not as though I don't know how she really feels about me. I know she hates me but I suppose deep down I've always hoped that she felt something other than disgust and dislike. Obviously I was wrong. Well no more. I just can't put up with it anymore. She's turning me into someone I despise. I'm a wuss and a wimp when it comes to Max. I want...no I need her approval constantly. I'm mean we're talking about ME, the person who doesn't care what people think. HA! If everyone knew just how insecure she makes me feel, and how incredibly hard I try to gain her approval, they would laugh their asses off. God, I must be sick. I mean it's the only explanation for it. The worst thing is I know how to cure this sickness, I'm just not sure if I can handle the treatment. Then again after today, I think I can." 

Having made his decision, Alec packed his belongings quickly. He didn't have much anyway, being a soldier had it's uses. No attachments to physical mementos, stuff, junk, call it what you will. All he needed was some clothes and his money. If he needed anything he could steal it or buy it, depending on his mood. 

As he packed, Alec could feel his spirit and his heart growing lighter. Sure he was going to miss everyone in TC, especially Max. And, while deep down he couldn't help wondering if he was making a mistake, at the moment he couldn't find it in himself to care. It was as if this huge rain cloud had suddenly moved away from him. He guessed it was like quitting a job you hate. His sense of freedom was amazing. He couldn't believe it. He had no idea what the future held for him and it was exciting, exhilarating and a little scary. 

"I should go to the bar and say goodbye to everyone I suppose," he thought. "I would hate them to worry, or worse, think that I'm unhappy about leaving. I actually can't wait to go, now that I have made up my mind to leave." 

With those thoughts, he left his apartment for the last time. Halfway down the stairs he realised that he hadn't left a note for Max. Knowing there was no way she'd be at the bar, fun and relaxation weren't part of her vocabulary, he rushed back up the stairs and quickly scribbled a note for her. 

As he strode into the bar, the transgenics noticed a change in him. Although his normally happy and cheerful mask wasn't as predominant as it usually was, deep down inside he was excited. 'Had Max finally seen the light?' was the general thought in most heads, followed quickly by 'Nah, never happen. She's as thick as three short planks.' 

Joshua was the first to notice that Alec carried a duffel bag slung over his shoulder. 

"Alec leaving?" he queried. 

"Yeah Josh, I'm heading out of town," was the reply. 

"When Alec coming home?" 

"I'm not." 

"Why not?" 

"Because I can't buddy." 

"Why?" 

"I can't stay here any longer. I have to get away Josh." 

"Does Max know?" 

"No." 

"Max will change your mind. You'll see. And then you can stay." 

"No, Josh. It's because of Max that I'm leaving." 

"But Joshua knows Max cares for Alec." 

"She doesn't." 

"She does." 

"Even if she did, it's too late. I've made my mind up. I can't keep putting my life on hold waiting for her to realise that she loves me. I could be waiting for the rest of my life Joshua. I'm not prepared to do that anymore. I need to get on with my own life. I need to find out who I am and what I what to do with my life and I can't do that here." 

"What about friends here?" 

"I'll keep in touch and you know I'll always help out where and when I can. I'll send you guys money, supplies and information. You know that I can't just walk away from everyone here completely, don't you Josh?" 

"Yeah, Joshua knows, but Joshua doesn't like it." 

"I know buddy, but that's the way it's got to be. I wish I could stay too, but I can't. I hope you understand." 

"Hrmph." 

"Come on buddy, I'll buy you a drink," Alec said as he slung his arm around Joshua's shoulder and led him to the bar. 

"Drinks are on me," he shouted across the room. 

"Why?" replied a transgenic propping up the bar. 

"Don't ask why you idiot, just drink," Mole answered gruffly. He had a sneaky suspicion he knew why Alec was buying drinks for everyone. He had witnessed Max's treatment of Alec and couldn't blame the guy in the least for leaving. Hell, he would have left, or killed the bitch months ago. 

"So, you finally decided to do something did ya?" was Mole's opening remark to Alec when he finally got the man alone. 

Alec tossed up whether he should give his trademark flippant answer, but Mole was a good friend, so he decided to tell him the truth. 

"Yeah, it's time for me to move on, get on with my life." 

"We'll all miss you, you know that don't you?" replied Mole with unaccustomed emotion in his voice. 

"I know," whispered Alec. "I'll miss everyone too." 

"Enough of this sappy, girly talk. You go have a great life," Mole answered. As an afterthought he added, "Keep me supplied in cigars and I'll call us even." 

"Even?" Alec asked puzzled. 

"Well, with you gone, who do you think will be Max's new scapegoat for the world's problems?" 

"Hey, sorry Mole, but I've done my duty as scapegoat long enough. It's time for someone else to step up to the plate, and that's you buddy," answered Alec with a cheeky grin as the tone of the conversation lightened. "But I'll make it up to you with cigars," he continued. 

"They better be the best quality there is or I'm coming to find you and drag your sorry ass back here." 

"Only the best for my scapegoat partner. Anyway, you won't need to come and find me. I plan on keeping in regular contact with you guys." 

"And Max?" Mole really didn't want to ask that question but he had to know. 

Great, just when he was trying to lighten the conversation, Mole had to bring him down again. 

"No. I don't want her to know where I am. I don't want to have the little voice in my head hoping and praying for her to come and find me, because I know it will never happen. This is it. I want, no, I need a clean break. I don't want anymore contact or news of Max. Promise me you won't tell her where I am, otherwise I'm out that door for good and you will never see or hear from me again. I mean it. And, you can kiss those cigars goodbye. No one, and I mean no one, is to tell Max where I have gone." 

"Fine, fine. Have it your way. As if I care about you two and your relationship anyway." 

"Good. Now that we have that settled let's have another drink before I hit the road." 

"Sounds good to me," replied Mole with a grin that was noticeable even from behind his cigar. 

After a few more drinks and saying goodbye to everyone at the bar, Alec was ready to go. In fact, he was itching to go. Time for a final farewell. 

"Well it was great knowing you all but I'm gonna love ya and leave ya. But don't worry, you can't get rid of me that easily. I'll be doing my bit for the cause outside of these city walls. As well as having a good time of course. Ladies look out because Alec is about." 

There were a couple of sniggers at that ridiculous comment from Alec. Even he couldn't believe he had made it. Oh well, who cares? He was happy and that was the main thing. And, the transgenics could see that he was happy. For the first time in a long time he wasn't pretending, or hiding behind a facade. He was truly content at this point in time. They all knew he would have his bad moments thinking about Max and 'what if' but they also knew this was what he needed and wanted. And they were happy for him. 

"Well I hate goodbyes, so I'll catch you all later sometime." 

And with that Alec walked out of the bar and into the sunset, a spring in his step and a smile on his face.


	3. Part 3

****

Endure No More.   
Part 3.

****

Disclaimer: If it has anything to do with Dark Angel or its production company, then it's not mine. I wish I did own something, but I don't.

~~~~ **** ~~~~ 

"Alec? ALEC! Where the hell are you? I'm so going to kick your ass when I find you. How could you just blow off the meeting? Oh, that's right I forgot You're Mr. Irresponsibility and Mr. Unreliable all rolled into one," the words spewing out of Max's mouth as she stomped up the stairs to Alec's apartment. 

As usual, she forgot to engage her brain before she opened her mouth. But, then again, that would have been out of character. The transgenics within hearing range once again wondered how Alec could put up with such a bitch badmouthing him constantly and talking of things she knew nothing about. Maybe Joshua was right about Max not being able to convey her true feelings concerning Alec. But, then again, what would Joshua know?. Even he questioned his own judgement regarding Max and her treatment of Alec. 

Max kicked open the door leading into Alec's apartment hoping to find him so she could kick his ass. "You just want a chance to touch him and his ass" whispered a tiny voice in her head. "Well of course I do," she replied with a small, private grin on her face, "Who wouldn't?" 

Instead, what she found left her gasping for breath. Her heart was beating so fast, even for a transgenic, that she was certain her heart would stop. She had a sinking feeling that she knew what was wrong. If she was correct, she had no idea what she would do, or how she would cope. 

On the table was a note addressed to her in Alec's familiar scrawl. The terror of what she might read was almost too much for her. 

__

Hey Max,  
Time for me to move on. Places to go, people to do. You know me.  
Bye,   
Alec

Max slid down the wall that had been holding her up, tears streaming down her face. 

"Alec, no. You can't leave me, you just can't. How will I survive?" Max couldn't think anymore after that, all she could do was replay everything she and Alec had done together. All the fun, all the arguing, all the missions, all the fighting, and most of all, all the banter that they had. Soon, she was sobbing out loud. 

"Why, Alec? Why did you leave? Don't you know how much I care for you, how much you brighten up my crappy life. I know I don't show it. In fact, I know I act like a bitch towards you but I honestly thought you knew it was just that, an act. I know I ignored all the hurt and pain I sometimes caused you, but I thought you knew how I felt about you," she whispered into the empty room. 

Eventually Max made her way out of Alec's apartment. How she got to headquarters she will never know. She must have been on autopilot. All she knew was that she didn't want to believe that Alec had gone, left her. 

"Hey little fella, what's wrong?" asked Joshua seeing her tear streaked face. 

"It's, Alec. He's gone," she said. Although her voice lacked any sort of emotion, tears were once again forming in her eyes. 

"I know, little fella. Alec said goodbye to Joshua," Joshua said sadly. 

"Did he say where he was going?" queried Max, a hopeful glimmer in her eyes. 

Joshua's next words smashed her hope into smithereens. "Yes, but Alec made Joshua promise not to tell Max. Max not to know, EVER." 

"Why not Joshua, why can't you tell me? I need to know where he is." 

"Why, so you can bust his balls again? So you can tell him what a worthless piece of crap he is? So you can use him as your scapegoat for every little thing that goes wrong in your life? So you can belittle him in front of HIS friends and family? Tell me Max, is that why you want to know where Alec is? Because I've gotta tell ya that no one here blames Alec for leaving, not one little bit." Mole couldn't prevent his anger from seeping out into his words, and why should he? She had finally driven away one of the finest soldiers, not to mention man, he had ever known, or was likely to know. 

"Come on, Max. Surely, even you can't be that clueless. Just how long did you think Alec was going to put up with all the crap you dished out? He's a fucking soldier for Christ's sake. One who has never taken any shit from anyone, not even Manticore. What makes you think he would put up with you forever? You started to piss the rest of us off within five minutes of the paint drying on the flag. I'm surprised Alec put up with you as long as he did. If it weren't for Alec you would have had a mutiny on your hands weeks ago. He was - no, he is our real leader, not you. You never have been and you never will be. You have never acted like a true leader and you have done nothing to earn our respect," with that Mole turned his back on Max and ignored her, something he planned on doing for a very, very long time. 

Max, probably for the first time in her life, was speechless. What could she say? How do you respond to something like that? However, she had the sense of mind to know that now was not the time to bury her head in the sand and blame Alec. For once, she was going to have to explain her behaviour if she ever wanted to see Alec again and a part of her doubted if even that would work. She could see the expressions in the faces of the gathered transgenics and transhumans. Even Joshua, her best - her only - friend here, had no sympathy for her at the moment.


	4. Part 4

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Endure No More.   
Part 4.

****

Disclaimer: If it has anything to do with Dark Angel or its production company, then it's not mine. I wish I did own something, but I don't.

****

Author's Note: I knew I couldn't keep up the angst for long. I tried, but I think parts of this chapter are more funny than angsty. Oh well. 

~~~~ **** ~~~~ 

"Oh god, what am I going to do?" Max whispered to herself as she paced around Alec's old apartment. It was one of the places that she felt close to him and at least here there was no one giving her the evil eye. No sympathetic looks for her that's for sure. "It's as if everyone blames me for Alec leaving, but how can that be? I didn't think I had that power over him. He always seemed to enjoy my company." 

"Yeah right," sniggered the tiny voice in the back of her head. "He just _looooved_ all the verbal abuse you heaped on him." The disbelief coming through strong. Who knew that the voice in her head had such a range of emotions? 

"And don't try to convince yourself he loved it. You saw the pain and hurt that occasionally crept into his eyes. You just chose to ignore it, like you always do. Typical Max behaviour. No wonder he left. I'd leave you too, but I can't. I'm stuck here inside your moany 'woe is me' brain. Well guess what, I've had enough so you better buck your ideas up, or I'm going to drive you crazy. And boy, will I have fun doing it!" the voice threatened. 

"Great, now I have a voice in my head yelling and blaming me." At least Max had a bit more fire back in her voice. "It's all Alec's fault. If he didn't leave I wouldn't be arguing with myself. I'd be arguing with him instead." 

"Stop with the blame placing already. You're giving me a headache," complained the voice again. "Just face facts that it was your fault, and no one else's. Accept it and move on." 

"But I don't want to move on, I enjoy being miserable…" muttered Max. 

"Don't I know it," the voice sighed, interrupting Max. 

"…But I miss Alec, and I want him back." 

"Well then, do something about it. But you know it's gotta be big and great because that man ain't coming back here without a fight. You are going to have to prove that you do truly love him and regret every miserable, nasty, horrible thing you ever said and thought about him." The voice inside Max's head was getting sick of pointing out the obvious to her. How she survived before the voice is anyone's guess. 

"Hmmm. Something big and great. Thinking never has been my strong point. I'm more the 'take action' type, than 'plan and organise' type. That was Alec's role and Logan's before that. Now I have to do it on my own. All this thinking is giving me a headache. Damn, another reason why I want Alec back here." said Max talking out aloud to herself, hoping to drown out the voice inside her head. 

"No such luck," The voice was determined not to be drowned out. 

"You know you want Alec back because you miss seeing that hot body all the time, you miss the banter. He annoys you, pisses you off, challenges you, and you love it. But most of all you miss that feeling of 'aliveness' you get around him. Especially that little flame that ignites inside you, the butterflies that start flying in your tummy, the twinkle you get in your eyes and the laughter in your voice, every time you see him. That's what you miss the most. And that - my dear clueless, oblivious and hopeless transgenic - is love. And you're got it bad." 

Max gave up on drowning out the voice in favour for yelling. Her favourite way of dealing with things and people who annoyed her. 

"Would you shut up already. I know I have a huge task in front of me and I don't need you to keep on and on and on at me. How am I meant to think when you keep interrupting and distracting me? I swear you are just like the Eyes Only bulletin. Always interrupting with stuff you think is important." ranted Max. "Where was I again? That's right. I need a plan. A good plan. Hmmm. Shut up and let me think." 

"Good idea. You need all the help you can get, so I'll just pipe down for now. But you start blaming others again and I'll be back." 

"Fine, go. I think I may have a plan, but I need to concentrate and I can't do that with you constantly talking to me." 

Max's eyes sparkled and she had a wide smile on her face as she thought out her plan. With no annoying voice in her head the plan came together, all she had to do now was implement it. 


	5. Part 5

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Endure No More.   
Part 5.

****

Disclaimer: If it has anything to do with Dark Angel or its production company, then it's not mine. I wish I did own something, but I don't.

~~~~ **** ~~~~ 

"Dix! Dix! Where are you? I need you to help me track Alec down," Max said as she rushed into headquarters. "I know you can't tell me where he is. But, there's nothing to stop you from helping me is there?" she asked hopefully, her eyes twinkling for the first time since she found out Alec had left. She had a plan and couldn't wait to put it into action. 

"Umm . . . I don't know Max," Dix replied hesitantly. "Alec was pretty adamant that he didn't want you finding him." 

"I know," she answered despondently. "I know he left feeling rejected, lonely and miserable . . . but he doesn't know how I really feel about him," she continued. 

"HA! That's what you think." Mole had to add his two cents worth. There was no way he was going to let 'little miss bitchy bitch' think that she had any power left over Alec or more importantly that he left a broken dejected man when he hadn't. "Alec left here happy and excited. He's looking forward to getting on with his life without you complicating and confusing him. Just leave him alone." 

"I wish I could, but I . . . I um . . . I love him," she whispered seriously. She knew that she needed to have Mole and Dix believe her. Without them she would never find Alec. 

"I know you don't believe me, but I really do love Alec. I didn't know how to express my feelings. I mean, look at my life so far. I've managed to survive by hiding my feelings from the people around me. It's what I do best. I don't know how else to act. But I am going to try and change. I need to try if I want Alec back, and I DO want him back. I have to let him know how I feel and how much I care for him. If he still doesn't want anything to do with me . . . well I'll . . . I'll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it." 

"Yeah right," replied Mole. She sounded sincere, but she still had a long way to go before he believed her. "I want Alec back here as much, if not more than you. BUT, I want him here because he wants to be here, not because you need him here as your excuse for all your 'so-called' problems. I'm not going to help you because you haven't completely convinced me that you truly love, respect or even deserve Alec, but . . . I won't stand in your way," the last added very reluctantly. 

"What about you Dix? Will you help me?" 

"Fine Max," Dix answered resignedly. "I'll help you, but you tell me what to do. I'm not offering any suggestions or ideas." 

Max was hoping for more than this, but she knew she was lucky to even have this much from Mole and Dix. She understood their reluctance to help her; they didn't want to see Alec get hurt but that didn't mean to say she wasn't disappointed. 

"Thanks guys," she said with a small, grateful smile on her face. "OK guys here's the plan. Dix I need you to hack into Eyes Only." 

"Why don't you go straight to the horse's mouth?" queried Dix, "It would be quicker, not much mind you," he said with a depreciating grin, "than me cracking his codes." 

"Yeah, well, I decided it was time for me to make some changes in my life, I have to, if I have any hope in regaining Alec's trust and hopefully love. One of the changes I realised I had to make was to accept who I am - a transgenic. I don't need any ordinary to accept me as human. I'm not completely human and I never will be. And the best part is now I don't want to be an ordinary. 

"Blah, blah, blah . . . cut the crap and tell us the real reason." Mole could see straight through Max. 

"Fine," she said grumpily. How dare Mole see through her great excuse? Now she would have to admit how wrong she had been about her relationship with Logan. 

"With Alec gone I realised just how boring Logan was. There is no fire, no passion, no anything in our relationship. There never was, not even before the virus. With Alec I got all the fire and passion I needed. Now my life is flat, blah and so boring. I never realised how much I enjoyed having Alec around until he left. I need to find him and try to tell him how I feel." 

"That still doesn't explain why you don't want to ask Logan for help in finding Alec." Mole still didn't believe that reason even though he had a feeling it was almost the truth.

"What is it with you Mole? Are you never satisfied with my reasons?" 

"No, because I think there's more to it, and I want to know what it is," he retorted. 

"The guy scares me now. He's creepy, especially those rubber gloves," she muttered under her breath. "He's controlling and manipulative, he's got the emotions of a fish and he doesn't care about anyone but himself and his 'oh so important' Eyes Only missions. Alec always had my back in those missions. Now I realise that he saved me so many times from danger and I didn't even realise it. Danger that my so-called 'we're not like that boyfriend' put me into with no concern for my safety. Now I'm just starting to see how pathetic we were. I mean we had one year and we couldn't find the perfect time. I'd jump Alec in a heartbeat, but I had to force myself to go to Logan's place for dinner." Max stopped her tirade when she saw grins light up their faces. 

"Oops," she said blushing. "Please tell me I didn't say that last sentence out loud." 

"If it was the one about you jumping Alec in a heartbeat, then yes, you did say that last sentence out loud," Mole said. He was having fun making Max squirm. "And it's about time you finally admitted it as well. Pity it's too late to tell Alec that now. Your timing's crap, as usual." 

"But it's not too late to tell Alec," Max said, excitement in her voice. "That's why I need Dix to hack into Eyes Only. I'm going to do my own version of an Eyes Only broadcast. I just hope Alec's watching." 

"And if he isn't watching?" 

"Then I'll keep trying until he does see it," she said resolutely. There was no way Alec would ignore the broadcast when he saw it, she would make sure of that. "And if that doesn't work, I'll try something else. I WILL get Alec back. I have to." The last sentence was so heart wrenching and quiet that the two transgenics almost missed it. 

Mole and Dix could see the determination, not only in her eyes, but also in her whole body posture. She was not going to give up on Alec no matter how hard it got. Maybe, just maybe, she had a shot at getting Alec back. If she succeeded then maybe, just maybe, she might be worthy of Alec after all.


	6. Part 6

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Endure No More.   
Part 6.

****

Disclaimer: If it has anything to do with Dark Angel or its production company, then it's not mine. I wish I did own something, but I don't.

****

Author's Note: And the voice of reason returns, or in this case the voice of contrariness. For those of you who wanted to know what was happening to Alec this is for you. Thank zac for persuading me in chat that everyone wanted to know what was happening to him. 

~~~~ **** ~~~~ 

Five weeks had passed since Alec had left TC. It appeared as though White had taken a vacation because nothing had been heard from him in the last two months, and the ordinaries had calmed down over time. The novelty of the transgenic threat had worn off. She hadn't been oblivious to what was happening in TC. Everything was running smoothly without her input, therefore she didn't see the need to assert her leadership role just yet. That and the fact that she didn't have Alec to back her up and so no one would listen to her anyway. 

Four weeks had passed since Max came up with her plan. The plan was simple, hack into the Eyes Only computer and hijack the next broadcast. The problem was Max had no idea what to say. She had spent the last four weeks trying to decide what to say, but nothing sounded right. Her broadcast had to be perfect. She needed to think fast because Dix had found out that Logan was planning another Eyes Only broadcast next Friday. This meant it was time to do some serious thinking, instead of serious moping. 

"What am I going to say? OK this has to be good. It needs to be something that will make it impossible for Alec to not contact me. Umm . . . think brain, think." 

"Plan on breaking a habit of a life time are you?" piped up the voice inside her head 

"Oh god, you're back." 

"Course I am. You didn't think I'd stay away for ever did you?" 

"It was worth a try." 

"Ya know ya missed me." 

"Yeah right - like a hole in the head." 

"No wonder Alec left if that's they way you treat people wanting to try and help you. Emphasise on the _trying_ to help. You never were good at accepting help were ya?" 

"Oh please," she drawled. "I can too accept help." 

"When? "Give me an example of when you accepted help - graciously." 

"You never specified graciously," she grumbled 

"See, told ya." 

"Just shut up and let me think." 

"Or what? You'll kick my ass. Good luck in trying, considering I'm inside your head." 

"AARRGGHHH. You're just as bad as Alec." 

"Just doing my job." 

"Well if you are going to hang around the least you could is help me come up with a great speech that will make Alec come back, or at least contact me." 

"Thinking never was your forté so I suppose I had better help." 

Trying to come up with the perfect speech was not as easy as Max thought it would be. Having never expressed her feelings before she was unsure where to start and how to go about it. 

"How about starting at the start. It's generally a good place to start," the voice uttered sarsasticly. 

Start at the start. Good advice, but where was the start? Should she start with an apology, or just go straight in and tell Alec she loved him? Should she try and use emotional blackmail or saying TC needed him? Those latter options were quickly thrown away. In the first place she didn't really want Alec to be forced back to TC if he truly didn't want to come back. And secondly she knew both Mole and Dix would pull the plug on the broadcast if that was the tactic she was going to use. She knew it had to be perfect and she didn't want to blow her chance. She hadn't formulated a back-up plan yet. 

"OK, how's this for a start?" This was getting scary, she was actually conversing with the voice now. 

"This is a streaming video broadcast . . . yada, yada, yada. You know the drill. It'll last until I've said what I want to say." 

"And . . . Where's the rest?" asked the voice. 

"That's all I've got so far," replied Max sheepishly. 

"Oh brother. I can see this is going to take a while. Wake me up when you have more written." 

"Great help you are," mumbled Max to herself. 

~~~~ **** ~~~~ 

Mole and Dix looked at each other. They both heard something that sounded strangely like a cell phone. Only thing was neither of them owned one and they were the only people in headquarters at the moment. Being transhumans it didn't take them too long to find the source of the ringing - Alec's phone. The questions of "what the fuck is Alec's phone doing here, and why is it ringing?" could be seen in both of their eyes. 

Shrugging, Mole answered the phone. "What?" 

"Hey buddy, what's up?" answered Alec. 

"Alec, what are you doing calling here so soon? We weren't expecting to here from you in weeks." 

I had to call and let you know that I've joined up with another group of transgenics up here in Canada." 

"There's another group?" questioned Mole. 

Yeah. Remember all the transgenics and people that Logan helped out of the city, well they are all here. It's sort of like a commune, but not really. We stick to ourselves and it's great." 

"Hmm . . . sounds like TC to me." 

"Nah. It's so different from TC that you wouldn't believe it. The countryside around here is so beautiful and clean. None of that toxic waste you guys have to deal with at TC. And the people are great. Not having the threat of being hunted down like animals does amazing things to people." 

"I bet it does. But I thought you were planning on living like an ordinary, you know with a real job, an apartment and all that type of stuff." 

"Well I was going to. Then I realised that life is so much better being around people who know, understand and accept you. I couldn't be bothered trying to hide who I am, especially when there is no need. Anyway we all come and go as we please here. Many of us have got jobs in the town close by so it's the best of both worlds. Have a somewhat 'normal' life, while being around family and friends. What more could a guy ask for? 

"Sounds great." 

"Anyway the main reason for calling was to let you know that that if any of the younger ones want to come here, they can. I've set up a network of safe houses from TC to here as well as reliable means of transport. We thought we would start with the younger ones first, and then hopefully one day everyone will be here. But it will have to be a gradual process. We don't want the Familiars and White knowing what we are doing." 

"You've been busy. I'll let them know and then I'll have the numbers for you next time you call." 

"Thanks Mole. Anyway I had better get going." 

"Hang on. Dix wants to talk to you, or at least that's what I think his arm circling is all about," said Mole as he quickly shoved the phone at Dix. 

"Hey Dix. How's the computers?" 

"Fine, fine. Anyway what's happening with you then? Are you happy, having fun?" 

"Whoa, what's with all the questions? This isn't for Max is it?" 

"No, no, of course not," said Dix, just a little too quickly. 

"Hmmmm. If you say so. I believe you, thousands wouldn't. Just remember. Tell. Max. Nothing. And I mean nothing. My life is so much simpler up here and I'm loving it." 

"That's great Alec, really it is." 

"Anyway how's things in TC?" 

"They're good. Everything still runs as though you were here at the helm. All the procedures and operations that you set up for the running of TC are running smoothly. Just as well because Max . . ." 

"Dix, what did I tell you." 

"Fine, sorry. I won't mention Max again." 

"Thank you." 

"Do you have a tv there? I can't imagine you surviving without your 'boob tube'." 

"Yeah I do. I can't imagine myself surviving without my 'boob tube' either." 

"That's good. I hear there's going to be a programme about us next Friday night. Are you going to watch it?" 

"Yeah. I want to see how they have portrayed us all, and how much of their information is correct. What time is it on again?" 

"Starts at 7 o'clock." 

"That's good. It'll finish in plenty of time for me to get to the bar and talk to the fine ladies up here." 

"Still got a thing for the ladies I see. You haven't learnt your lesson already?" 

"Oh I've learnt my lesson alright. Make sure that the woman is at least interested before even attempting to get involved. And the biggest lesson - never get the heart involved until there is a deep friendship first." 

"But remember the heart doesn't always listen to the head." 

"Well my heart will. It's been damaged twice already. I'm not letting it happen again - EVER. Anyway I have to go. A group of us are heading to the mountains for a bit of fun. I just thought I would call and let you know I'm alright." 

"Ok. Great to talk to you. Don't forget next Friday at 7pm." 

"I won't. Say hi to everyone for me. Bye." 

"Bye Alec." 

Mole looked at Dix. He couldn't believe what he had done. 

"Don't ya think you were pushing the whole watching tv just a bit much?" 

"Well I want to make sure he sees it. Don't tell me you like having Max around the way she is, all mopey and miserable?" 

"Personally, I can't tell the difference. I thought that was just her. At least this time she's miserable over someone worthwhile." 

"Come on Mole, have a heart. She loves Alec." 

"Well she's got a strange way of showing it." 

"Yeah well, what do you expect from an 09'er? She doesn't know what she is, an ordinary or a transgenic." 

"Don't give me that crap. She knows exactly what she is, she just refused to admit it until Alec left." 

"Well better late than never." 

"Ha! If you say so." 

All was quiet for about five minutes. Neither having anything to say, but both having a million and one questions racing through their heads. The most important question being whether Max's plan would work. Alec sounded really happy. He was getting on with his life, making new friends and finding himself. Sure he had locked his heart away, but they didn't blame him in the least for that. After the damage that Max had inflicted on it, it was to be expected. 

"Do you think Max's plan will work?" Dix asked quietly. 

"I don't know, I just don't know," replied Mole just as quietly. 


	7. Part 7

****

Endure No More.   
Part 7.

****

Disclaimer: If it has anything to do with Dark Angel or its production company, then it's not mine. I wish I did own something, but I don't.

~~~~ **** ~~~~ 

'Great, just what I want. Yet another Eyes Only do-gooder broadcast. I thought I had got away from them here in Canada, obviously not,' thought Alec derisively to himself as the familiar tell tale crackling and screeching of the Eyes Only bulletin began. 

****

"This a streaming video broadcast. Do not attempt to adjust your set . . . ,"   


Alec realised something was up when the usual monotone of Eyes Only he had been expecting was replaced by a feminine voice. A feminine voice he recognised. 

'He's even got her doing his cable hacks now. What next? Fuck am I glad I left when I did. Max obviously doesn't miss me, but then again I wasn't really expecting her to.' 

'Yeah right, pull the other one buddy - it's got bells on it,' retorted the voice in his head. 'Deep down you were hoping she was missing you.' 

'No I wasn't, I . . .' 

'Don't try to deny it. Remember I live in your head, so I know what you are thinking deep down, and you were hoping she was missing you.' 

'Ok, fine. Yes I was hoping she was missing me, but she obviously isn't. Are you happy now?' 

'Well I would be if you would just shut up and let me listen to the broadcast.' 

'Me shut up, you're the one doing all the talking . . . ,' 

'Shhhh.' 

'Humph,' Alec responded. He hated talking to the voice in his head. He could never win. It's always scary when the voice in your head keeps winning. 

****

". . . this cable hack will last as long as I want it to. I have some explaining to do, and I will be heard." 

'Why now? Does she know I was looking forward to this TV show and how it being interrupted by a freedom bulletin would piss me off? Even from a distance she controls and ruins my life. What have I done to deserve this? Don't answer that - it was a rhetorical question.' 

'You know you miss her and you also know that you still harbour feelings towards her. I know that the sound of her voice is making your stomach do cartwheels.' 

'Yeah well, that's not the point. She isn't interested and I'm sure if I try hard enough these feelings I have for her will go away, or at least fade away into the background.' 

'Humph.' 

'Ha! Finally the voice is rendered speechless . . . For at least five seconds.' 

'I'm not speechless. I'm listening to her speech, which is what you should be doing.' 

'Will you shut up if I listen?' 

'Yes.' 

'Fine, I'll listen then.' 

'Thank you,' responded the voice. It didn't think Alec was ever going to shut up. 

****

"Alec I know you know who I am. 

I had this whole perfect speech of what I was going to say, planned and written right down to the last detail. Now that I have this opportunity those words just don't seem right, so I'll speak right from the heart. 

Since you left I've done nothing but think about you and what you mean to me. With some help from your friends, I saw the way you thought I saw you. I had no right to treat you like I did, and you didn't deserve it, no matter how much I said you did. I thought you knew it was only an act, and I thought you realised that I didn't mean anything by it. I just want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. I'm sorry for the things I said to you. I'm sorry for being a bitch. I'm sorry for the way I made you feel. 

I know you are probably sitting there not believing a word I'm saying, but Alec, it's the truth. I love you and the day you left, my world, pathetic as it was, crumbled. I can't get you out of my mind. Even when I tried this voice in my head wouldn't let me. It wouldn't let me blame you, or think the worst of you. It made me look at myself and realise some self truths. I'm a bitch. I used to joke about being a bitch but I suddenly realised that I was a cold hearted bitch towards you. I said things to you that I never meant because it made me feel better about myself, and, more importantly, it pushed you away from me. I realised I was scared, terrified of getting close to you, of letting you into my heart. I think I knew deep down that we would be great together and I was scared of that. Scared because of what it meant in terms of my life. Scared because what I thought was love with Logan wasn't really what true love is about. Scared because by letting you in, you would have the power to destroy me if you ever left. What I didn't realise was that you still had the power to destroy me without me letting you in. 

Alec, I love you. Please come home. I miss you. I miss the banter, and the laughter. I miss that you challenged me, and pissed me off on purpose. I miss seeing your cocky, arrogant, cheeky smile and god how I miss that gorgeous ass of yours. Never thought you would hear me say that on TV now did you? 

This has been a streaming video broadcast to the one I love. Please Alec, please come home." 

Alec didn't know what to think. On the one hand he truly wanted to believe everything Max said, but on the other hand he couldn't handle it if he went back and she broke his heart again. He reached into his pocket for the new cell phone he purchased after leaving TC. 

As soon as she had wrapped up the broadcast Max ran to the phone, willing it to ring.


	8. Part 8

****

Endure No More.   
Part 8.

****

Disclaimer: If it has anything to do with Dark Angel or its production company, then it's not mine. I wish I did own something, but I don't.

****

Author's Note: Thanks goes out to teegs, my beta for agreeing with me that the original version of this part just wasn't right. Huge thanks has to go to Rowe and Mel for helping me get it right. Rowe this part is dedicated to you :) 

~~~~ **** ~~~~ 

"Ok Dix, you know what to do?" Max asked in her best command voice. 

"Yeah, but he's not going to like it," Dix replied with a shake of his head. 

"I know. But do you have any better ideas?" 

"Ah, besides leaving it up to Alec, ah . . . no." 

"I didn't think so. You know, if there were any other way I wouldn't be asking you to do this," Max said as she paced anxiously around the room. 

She knew that the broadcast wouldn't change his mind, but she hoped it would make him think. It was only part of her plan anyway. A way to flush him out. She had to see him so she could try and convince him that he was her world. 

She realised just how much she must have hurt him. She had enjoyed playing Logan and Alec off against each other. Great ego boost having two completely different men vying for her attentions. Of course Logan had been too oblivious to see what was really going on. But Alec, he had known what was happening. He knew Max cared for him enough to play those games, but he had also known that she didn't care enough to stop hurting him. That was what drove him away. 

"It's true - that saying about not knowing what you've got until it's gone. I didn't realise just how much Alec meant to me until he left. I just hope he calls." 

"So do I," said Mole as he walked into headquarters. "Because we're sick of hearing about it. Dix is too polite to tell you shut up, but I'm not. So, SHUT UP. There's no need to preach to the converted. We know you screwed up, you don't need to keep telling us. We aren't the ones who care. I'm almost about to tell you where Alec is just to shut you up, except I quite like living. Even TC grows on you after a while." 

All of a sudden there was a flurry of action as a ringing telephone interrupted the conversation. Max was a blur as she raced to answer it. Dix sped over to the computer, while Mole just stood there, arms crossed and cigar hanging out of his mouth as per usual. 

Mole was torn. He still wanted Alec back at TC, but Max still hadn't realised one important thing. The world did not revolve around her. She had given no thought to Alec's new life. It had never entered her mind that he might be happy there, and that he may have found someone else. Oh well, time would only tell. In the meantime he would just sit back and watch it all play out. 

"Hey Max," Alec said into the phone. As Alec spoke Max gave Dix the signal to start. 

"Ah . . . hi Alec. I ah . . . I'm glad you saw the broadcast," stammered Max. Now Alec was actually on the phone all her previous bravado had disappeared. His unemotional tone didn't help matters either. 

"Yeah. So . . . um, how did Loggie boy feel letting you use his stuff like that or doesn't he know?" It was a question Alec really didn't want to ask, but her answer would help to clear things up in his mind. 

"We hacked into his system and . . ." Max started to say. 

"So he doesn't know about this then. Nice Max. Great way to break up with your 'we're not like that' boyfriend," Even though Alec tried to keep his voice soft, he was unable to keep some of the anger and disappointment from slipping out. 

As much as he had hoped Max had been telling the truth on the broadcast, how could she have been? She hadn't even told Logan they were through. She didn't have the guts, or the desire to break it off with him properly. She always had to have a safety net. Not that he really expected Logan would be her safety net after seeing the broadcast. Even he had to have his limits. Max was hot, but she wasn't that hot. But then again, you never know. Look how much crap he had put up with. 

"Alec it's not like that, I swear," responded Max quickly. She knew exactly what Alec was thinking and while it was definitely unflattering that he had so little faith in her, she couldn't blame him. 

"I did break up with Logan. The day after you left actually," she said. 

She took a deep breathe as she continued. "When you left it made me realise things. I said most of it on the broadcast." 

There was a long pause in the conversation. The silence was starting to get to Max. Just as she was wondering if Alec was still there, he spoke. 

"Why Max? Why did you do it?" he asked quietly. 

"Do what Alec?" 

"The broadcast. Why Max?" 

"You left thinking I hated you and that I thought you were a screw-up. I just wanted to let you know that I don't think anything like that about you. And that everyone here in TC, including me, wants you to come back." 

What she was too scared to say to him was that she loved him. The thought of rejection terrified her, especially after she had put her heart on the line on international tv. 

"Ok Max. I'll think about what you said and get back to you," he said with little warmth in his voice. He was disappointed and hurt that she didn't say she loved him. She had said it on tv, but couldn't say it directly to him. 

"So does this mean you aren't coming home?" 

He wondered if she had ever stopped to think that he might have been enjoying himself there? Or that it was a much better way of life up there? It was safe, no one was trying to kill them, and the ordinaries weren't afraid of them. Why would he want to go back to Seattle?" 

"Not now Max. I'm not sure where home is, but at this moment Seattle is not my home," he answered. 

Even though Max had been half expecting him to not want to come home, his response still hurt. She had thought he still had feelings for her. She knew that he wouldn't trust her with his heart and probably wouldn't for a long time, but she had thought he would want to come back to try and work things out. 

"But I love you," she whispered. 

Alec took a deep breathe, unsure how to respond. Why did she have to say she loved him after he told her he wasn't going back? Was it just a ploy, or did she truly mean it? Either way he had more thinking to do. 

She heard him sigh. When it become obvious he wasn't going to reply she continued. 

"Well what do you want?" she asked tentatively. 

"I'm not sure Max, but I do know it's not Seattle," he answered quietly. 

"What about me Alec? Do you still have any feelings left for me?" 

"Yeah I do Max," he sighed. "but I need to sort them out first." 

Max saw Dix waving at her to show that he was done. 

"Max I'm not coming back to Seattle, not just yet anyway. It's great up here Max, at the moment this is where I want to call home." 

"But I love you," she said more forcefully this time. She was getting desperate. 

"I know you think you do Max, but I need time. I need to have my space, find out who I am, and come to terms with some stuff in both my head and my heart. I can't do that around you, not yet anyway." 

"So this is goodbye then?" 

"Yeah, for now." 

CLICK 

Alec heard the phone disconnect. 

He knew he had hurt Max with his refusal to go back to Seattle, but he wasn't ready. He just wasn't ready to trust his own feelings again. Until he could trust himself to believe Max would never hurt him again he couldn't see her. He knew, or thought he knew, that Max loved him. He could hear the sincerity in her voice but that didn't quench the doubts he had. He needed to work it out in his head, well actually his heart. He just needed time. 

Max had tears glistening in her eyes as she turned to Dix. 

"Did you get the trace?" 

"Yeah Max I did. Are you sure you want to use it?" 

"I don't know Dix," she answered as she slumped into her chair, head in her hands on the desk. "I just don't know." 


	9. Part 9

****

Endure No More.   
Part 9. 

****

Disclaimer: If it has anything to do with Dark Angel or its production company, then it's not mine. I wish I did own something, but I don't.

****

Author's Note: Thanks goes out to teegs for betaing this chapter so quickly, and to everyone in chat the other night who helped me get over my case of writers block - zac, NL, teegs, scar just to mention a few. 

~~~~ **** ~~~~ 

Max was in two minds about what to do with the information that had been gathered from the trace. She now knew where Alec was so she could go to him. But she also knew that Alec wasn't ready to see her yet. She had a difficult decision to make, follow her heart or take notice of what Alec said.

She deliberated all night before deciding to go to him and explain. She knew that if she could speak to him in person she would be able to convince him that they were meant to be together. She would be able to convince him to come home. Sure, a small part of her told her to give Alec more time - that was what he asked for, but she didn't want to wait. She had already wasted enough time. 

The next morning she took off on her bike with the mission to bring Alec back to TC.

~~~~~~~~~~

Max couldn't get over how different everything was up north. The air was cleaner and everything looked fresh and colourful. It was so beautiful, but yet so strange. There wasn't the hustle and bustle that was so prevalent in Seattle. Instead, life appeared more peaceful. There was no grey and dingy apartments and squatter blocks and the streets were litter free and fairly graffiti free as well. She couldn't really picture Alec living here. It just wasn't him. He needed the action and the nightlife. But the one thing that surprised her the most was the temperature. She really thought it would have been colder up here, if anything it seemed warmer than Seattle did. Strange that.

As she approached the location of where Alec had made the phone call, the butterflies starting flying in her stomach. She wasn't sure if it was from nerves, excitement or anticipation. Probably a combination of the three. Nerves, because she still had a nagging doubt that perhaps she should have given Alec more time, excitement because she couldn't wait to see him again - that face, that smile…that ass. And anticipation of the fact that soon they would be together. She tried to push the nagging feeling of doubt that Alec might not be overjoyed to see her from her mind. But she knew she was doing the right thing. She was following her heart.

As she entered the transgenic settlement everyone looked at her with varying expressions. Recognition, confusion, curiosity and desire. Even though Max knew she was designed to be attractive to the opposite sex, she was unprepared for just how many men were looking at her with desire in their eyes. Now if only the man she was searching for had that look she would be happy.

"Hi. I was wondering if you could tell me where Alec is?" she politely asked a younger X5 female walking passed her. Max figured it was best to be nice in a new place where the majority of people didn't know her but only knew of her.

"He's not here," she said, but continued when she saw the look of disappointment on Max's face. "A group of them went away for the weekend. Up into the mountains for some hiking and hunting. I think they wanted to go before winter sets in."

"Oh," said a dejected Max. "So they won't be back until tomorrow night then?"

"Probably not until Monday night. They all have Monday off work with it being a holiday," answered the woman helpfully. "What's wrong? Is it urgent that you need to see Alec?"

No. Yes. Maybe? Even Max didn't know the answer to that question. 

"Um…I don't know." 

"Ah. You must be Max," said the woman finally clicking to the identity of this mystery person asking about Alec.

"Yeah, how do you know my name?" Max questioned unsure if this was a good or a bad thing.

"After Friday's broadcast we asked Alec what it was all about, and who the new Eyes Only was."

"What did he say?" asked Max eagerly, hoping for some indication on exactly how Alec had taken the broadcast.

"He didn't say much. Just that your name was Max, and that you probably needed your punching bag back." 

"BUT," she continued taking pity on Max after seeing the crestfallen look on her face. "If it's any consolation he looked really confused. Like he really wanted to believe you, but he couldn't. I think that is one of the reasons for the weekend away. To think about things, or to not think about things - to clear his head." 

"Oh," replied Max sadly. She really didn't know what to do now. She never even thought of the possibility that Alec wouldn't be here. Now she had two days to wait, and think over her actions. Reacting was Max's strong suit, not contemplating her reactions. The next two days were going to be interesting because she now had time to think about the consequences of her decision to come here. Hmmm. Not a pleasant thought. The voice would probably come back too. Just what she wanted - NOT.

"Hey my name's Bic. If you want you can stay with me and I'll show you around and introduce you to anyone you don't know," she said with a friendly smile. Anyone who Alec obviously had feelings for had to be an ok person deep down. That and she would get the chance to find out about this woman who had broken her friend's heart. 

When Alec had first arrived he was an enigma. He looked happy enough, but sometimes Bic had seen a flash of such a deep anguish and self doubt - a complete contrast to his happy demeanor - that tore at her heart. She hated seeing anyone in pain: physical or emotional. She was already happily mated, so it was more than just physical attraction that made her want to reach out and help him. She wanted to know what had happened to cause him to doubt himself. Self-doubt was not something transgenics knew about, especially not the 494/Alec she had heard about. She had just wanted to be his friend, someone he could talk to. Of course it had taken something drastic - Max's Eyes Only bulletin - before he would even slightly open up to her. After the broadcast (and the alcohol he had consumed) he had needed someone to talk to, to help him sort out his thoughts and feelings. He hadn't let much slip, just that he had needed a change. He needed to get away from Max for a while, maybe forever. He wasn't quite sure on that one. Bic had convinced him to call Max and find out why she had done the broadcast. Then he would have some more answers, which would help him with his decision. 

"Are you sure? I don't want to impose," Max responded. Hopefully with company the voice would stay away. There's nothing worse than having your alterego telling you 'I told you so.' Also Bic looked friendly enough with her twinkling blue eyes and a face that looked ready to break into a smile at the drop of a hat. It would be nice to have someone to talk to who didn't blame her for Alec's departure from TC.

"No worries. I wouldn't ask if I didn't mean it," she said with a grin.

"What did you mean 'anyone I don't know'? I don't think I'll know anyone here." 

"You mean you don't know that many of us of former TC residents?" Bic answered with surprise and shock evident in her voice.

"No. No one told me. How? When? And Why?" Max had so many questions, slightly pissed off that she didn't know this in front of a stranger. A friendly, helpful stranger - but a stranger never the less. 

"One of the first things Alec did when he realised what a great lifestyle and opportunity it was for us up here, was to organise an underground to get transgenics out of TC and up here." Bic spoke with enthusiasm, using her whole body unconsciously as emphasis - from her voice to her hand gestures. 

"How he did it and where he got his resources from, he won't say. But then again," she shrugged with a wry grin on her face. "That's Alec. Never wanting to take credit for, or brag about what he has done."

"You were at TC?" asked Max looking puzzled. She couldn't remember seeing Bic before.

"No. I had gone to ground with Tai, my mate," she said with a smile as she mentioned her mate. 

"We were considering going to TC when we heard about this place. We thought it was some sort of Urban Legend, but we figured 'what the hell' and came to check it out. We knew TC would still be there if this did turn out to be a rumour. We loved what we saw and stayed." Bic's facial expressions matched her story from thoughtfulness, to disbelief and joy. This was a skill Max one day hoped to achieve.

"A couple of weeks later Alec showed up. Loved the place and set the wheels in motion for those who wanted a chance at a different life than the life offered in TC. And the rest is history," she finished off with yet another grin, her arms finally coming to rest beside her sides. 

All of a sudden there was a commotion behind them.

"Someone get the medic here NOW," bellowed Alec as he came into view. 

"What happened?" asked Bic as she rushed over to the guys.

"Quinn busted his leg." 

"How the hell did he manage that?" 

"You don't want to know," Alec said rolling his eyes.

"Yeah I do. I wouldn't have asked otherwise," was Bic's comeback. 

All the while Max stayed in the background watching the way Alec interacted with the others and took charge of the situation. She was a little surprised when he appeared to lose his train of thought and start looking around - as though he knew she was there.

"Uh . . . What was that again Bic?" queried Alec still looking around as though he was searching for something, or someone.

"What happened?" she answered, speaking slowly as if to a child. 

"Nothing major. He just wasn't watching where he was going and fell into a rabbit burrow."

"Thanks Alec. Just what I want - everyone to know how I broke my leg," said Quinn sarcastically as he hobbled into view with the help of his friends. "And where's the medic you raced ahead to get? I knew you just wanted to tell everyone my misfortune. Who needs enemies when I have you for a friend?" Quinn continued tongue in cheek, with a grin on his face.

"Stop your moaning Quinn. Here's the medic now," said Bic as she spied the medic coming down the street.

Alec still had the feeling that something wasn't quite right. He just couldn't put his finger on what it was. Something was different. He chewed on his bottom lip as he concentrated on what was different. 

There was a unique smell in the air. He felt he should recognise it, but the answer was just out of his reach. He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. That's when he saw her, out of the corner of his eye.

Alec had a myriad of thoughts running through his mind. 'MAX! What the hell was she doing here? How the hell did she find him? Why the hell was he purring? And why the fuck were the other males staring at her as though she was the best thing since sliced bread?' 

Suddenly it clicked.

__

'FUCK. Max is in heat.'


	10. Part 10

****

Endure No More.   
Part 10.

****

Disclaimer: If it has anything to do with Dark Angel or its production company, then it's not mine. I wish I did own something, but I don't.

****

Author's Note: Thanks to everyone in chat who has helped me out. You guys are great. Thanks again teegs for the betaing.

~~~~ **** ~~~~ 

Max knew the second Alec spotted her. His whole body language changed. He went from having a casual stance into a defence stance in the space of a nanosecond. This was not good. It definitely wasn't what she was hoping for. Where were the looks of desire from him? All the other males were attracted to her, why wasn't he?

As much as she wanted to just blend into the background something made her want to stand out in the crowd - make HIM notice HER and only her. Alec was hers, and no one else's. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she hadn't seen him for almost two months, but the need to possess him was so strong. The strength of this need unnerved her. She wasn't used to feeling this much out of control. Sure, she had felt a little jealous when he used to talk and flirt with women before, but now she was ready to kill any woman that stood between her and her mate.

As she started to saunter towards him with what she hoped was a sexy swing to her hips, he turned his back on her. He TURNED HIS BACK on her. She couldn't believed it. If she wasn't so angry she would have turned around right there and then and headed back to Seattle with her tail between her legs. As it was there was no way she was going to let that challenge pass her by. 

Alec was hoping against hope that his refusal to acknowledge her would make her disappear. He knew it had failed as he smelled her getting closer and closer. 

FUCK, fuck, fuck - in more ways than one - was all that his brain kept repeating. Talk about being conflicted. As much as his body tingled with excitement that she was here and in heat, his heart and mind were disappointed that she had so little regard for what he wanted. Why did she have to turn up now? He had a life he was enjoying but most of all he had the space he needed to think about stuff. For once, why couldn't she just do want he asked? It wasn't an unreasonable request, was it? It's the only thing he had asked of her - EVER. 

His body craved her, even in the early stages of her heat. How was he going to cope when she was in the middle of her heat? As much as his body wanted her, his mind and heart weren't ready to take that step. How could she possibly love him when she didn't take any notice of his feelings and what he wanted? To him, love meant doing what your loved one wanted, even if you didn't want to. Obviously love had a different meaning to Max. All this thinking was giving him a headache.

Just then Bic came over to ask him about his little trip away. As she touched him on the arm to get his attention, Max blurred over to them, slapping Bic's arm away. Bic looked at Max in surprise, but then it clicked - the slap was a bit of a give-away really when she thought about it. 

Bic moved away from Alec very slowly so as not to alarm Max any further. As much as she wanted Alec to be happy, there were certain limits to what she would and wouldn't do for him. Becoming a new punching bag for Max was one of those things that fell into the 'wouldn't do' category.

"What the hell do you think you are doing Max? Bic is my friend," said Alec rather angrily, dragging her by the arm inside his apartment. He didn't mean to take his frustration out on her, but he couldn't help it. "Just because you're in the beginning stages of heat, it doesn't give you the right to hit my friends."

"Wh . . . What did you just say?" stammered Max, all her fiery emotions evaporating. She couldn't believe it. She thought Manticore had fixed that problem as she hadn't been in heat for almost a year. 

It didn't take long for her to regain her composure though. 'Hmmmm,' she thought, 'maybe I can use this to my advantage.' 

"So Alec," she purred with a seductive grin. "What are you going to do about it?" Sultry, sexy Max was back.

Oh god, how was he meant to resist that smile? All he wanted to do was possess her - right here, right now. Just as he was about to pull her into his arms, his brain kicked into gear. Trust his brain to start working now, and not in five minutes time when he could have ignored it. Talk about timing.

"Nothing Max. That's what I'm going to do about it - nothing," he responded through clenched teeth, letting go of her arm that he had used to drag her inside. He had to physically turn away from her and wrap his arms around himself to stop from grabbing her again.

"I want more than sex from you and that's all it would be right now," whispered Alec so quietly that Max almost didn't hear him.

"No it wouldn't Alec. I love you, and I need you in my life. Not just now to help me through my heat, but for real." All traces of sexy Max had gone. Serious Max was in her place. She had to convince Alec, and she realised she couldn't use sex. She would have to try with words instead. 

"You don't understand me Max. That's the problem," he whispered, arms still wrapped tightly around his sides, unable to trust himself if he unwound them. 

"I need more than just sex from you. I truly wish I didn't, but I do," he said with a sigh and a slight grin before he continued. "I still don't know if you really love me, and you coming here when you are in heat doesn't help." He bit his lip trying to figure out what to say to her to make her understand. 

"I came up here Alec to try and make you see just how much I love you, and want you back with me. I swear I had no idea I was in heat. But surely my heat can only be a blessing, not a curse?" she responded.

"How do I know this is really want you want and not something that is heat induced?" He paused, rubbing his hands up and down his arms trying to ignore the smell of her pheromones. "Even though you are only in the early stages of your heat, it could still be strong enough to make you travel all this way to me."

"If it was heat," Max couldn't help but interrupt him because his logic didn't make any sense to her, "that made me come all this way, shouldn't that make you realise that I love you? Wouldn't heat make me more prone to jump the closest male than travel hundreds of miles just to be with you?"

She sounded sincere, but as much as Alec wanted to believe her, he couldn't - not yet. 

"It's not only your heat Max. It's the fact that I asked for time and space and you didn't give them to me. I've never asked you for anything else. How am I meant to feel when you can't even respect my simple requests?" All of this was said softly and quietly. It was hard for Alec to put into words how he was feeling. He needed her to understand. If she couldn't then he doubted whether they had a future together.

He couldn't help it. He had to turn around and look at her to see if he was getting through to her. He felt his body start to regain control from his brain. He couldn't handle seeing her look so sad and yet so incredibly sexy at the same time. Alec couldn't trust himself to be in the same room as her. One look and he was gone. 

As the door shut with a resounding slam Max couldn't stop the tears from falling as she slumped to the ground. She had failed - again.


	11. Part 11

****

Endure No More

Part 11

****

Disclaimer: If it has anything to do with Dark Angel or its production company, then it's not mine. I wish I did own something, but I don't.

****

Author's Note: Thanks goes out to teegs, my beta for betaing this so quickly for me.  
Check out Agora for more DA and other fanfiction as well as original writing by some very talented writers.  
agora.suddenlaunch2.com 

  


~~~~ **** ~~~~ 

"I can't believe he left me - again. What is it with him and leaving? I thought I was the one who ran away?" she said aloud as she paced furiously around the room, trying to work out some of her aggression. Max had got over her sadness a while ago. Now she was working through her anger.

'Not this time Max,' he thought to himself as he slid down the wall next to her door to get comfy. He had gone away to get supplies and to make sure Bic was ok. Anything really to take his mind of Max for a while. Now he had everything he needed.

'This time it has to be me doing the running away. I'm just not ready for this, and I'm not sure you are either even though you say you are.' He placed his head on his arms that were resting along his bent knees. 'I can't handle it if you changed your mind. You didn't give me the space and time I needed to be able to cope with this.'

"Just because I didn't give him what he wanted he's gone to sulk, leaving me alone and unprotected." The pacing continued, but now she had taken to throwing things as well.

'How little you know me Max,' he thought with a heartfelt sigh. He settled in for a long vigil that would no doubt include some pretty nasty things being said about him by Max. 'I could never leave you unprotected. Just goes to show that you really don't know me at all.' 

"Ok so that was a little harsh. I know he wouldn't leave me unprotected. He's probably got Bic and Tai downstairs making sure no one hassles me. Although a little hassling would be good right now. Who am I kidding? I need a man, NOW. The only problem is the man I want doesn't want me." Her tone had changed throughout that little tirade from anger to self pity_. _

'Oh Max if only you knew just how much I do want you,' he thought resignedly, his head sinking lower. 'But I refuse to make love to you when you are in heat. I just can't do that to myself. I need to know that you truly love me for me.' 

"Enough with the self-pity. Sit-ups and push-ups here I come. That'll stop me thinking for a while. I hope." With that Max started into her gruelling exercise regime. Not only was she hoping to quell the strength of her heat racing through her body, but she also hoped it would stop her from thinking. Thinking in heat had a tendency to either get her extremely mad, or throw her into depression. Neither of which she liked.

'Did she say something about she knows I wouldn't leave her unprotected?' Alec quickly replayed that snippit of Max's tirade in his head. His brain was a little slow on the uptake, what with all the pheromones floating around. 'She did too. Hmmm I guess maybe she knows a little about me then,' he thought as a tiny flicker of hope flared in his heart.

~~~~****~~~~

Max had managed to push herself to the limit, but even then she couldn't stop thinking. She exercised like there was no tomorrow, keeping to a punishing pace for almost three hours, but it still didn't stop the flashes of Alec in her mind. How he always had her back. His cheeky grin when he managed to get her to do something she really didn't want to do - like that time at the Blowfish Tavern. And to think she wasted that lap dance. Oh well, she would definitely make up for that mistake after this was over. She couldn't help but smirk to herself at that thought.

Then there was the time after she had got him out of jail and she opened up to him about Ben. And the time when he shooed the people away so she could have the last few minutes alone with Logan before the virus kicked in again. These images reminded her why she was putting herself through this torment when there were any number of guys out there who would be ready and willing to scratch her itch. She only wanted Alec. No one else would do, not now, and not ever. 

After this earth shattering conclusion she was so exhausted she didn't bother having a shower, but just collapsed onto the bed and fell straight to sleep. 

All Alec could hear was Max huffing and puffing, and grunting and groaning her way through her exercises. The sounds effects were driving him crazy, especially added to the pheromones wafting through the air. Good thing Bic had gotten all the female transgenics to keep the other guys busy with stuff to do outside of the settlement. Alec didn't feel up to fighting them all just to remain outside Max's door.

"What am I doing outside this door, when there is a woman who wants me on the other side?" Alec asked himself, doubting his own sanity. "Do I really need to know that she loves me? I mean, c'mon, I'm sure she does love me - in her own way. Maybe I should just settle for that. It's better than nothing right? Might as well make use of her heat. I may not get another chance." He was sure he could eventually talk himself around to doing what his body demanded he do.

'Yeah right buddy boy.' Great timing for the voice in Alec's head to re-appear. 'You really believe that you could settle for that? What happens after heat and she gives you that look? You know the one - 'it was great, but it was a mistake' look.' Alec didn't know that the voice could sigh, but sigh the voice did. 'You deserve more than a heat induced one night stand. Think about it. Do you want to be with Max one time, or the rest of your life?' 

"After this I don't think there will be anymore chances," Alec replied, not really freaked out that he was talking to himself. "I think I may have blown it. Have you heard what she is saying about me in there? It's not nice." 

'Duh, I'm in your head.' Sometimes the voice just didn't know why Manticore soldiers were considered smart. 'Of course I've heard what she's been saying. But think about where she is. Is she in there alone? Yes she is. Is she out getting busy with another guy? No.' The voice was on a roll. Alec wouldn't have been able to say anything even if he had wanted to.

'Do you know how much will power she must have to be able to do that? And how much she must love you to resist the urge to just go and jump any guy at this stage. A hell of a lot, that's all I can say.' Hopefully something of what the voice had said would start to sink in.

"I never thought of it that way. But her heat is bad for me too. I know I don't want to go in and have sex with her, but my body isn't listening to me," he said, the torment and confusion was evident in his voice. 

"She's like a drug and my body wants more, now. It's getting harder and harder to resist the urge just to kick down the door and fuck her." Alec said with frustration in his voice, running his fingers through his hair. 

'What's stronger? What controls you?' questioned the voice. 'Your body and your little head, or your brain and your heart? Are you a mindless fool taking orders from something that doesn't have your best interests at heart, coughsoldiercough . . .' the voice said, pausing to let it sink in before it continued.

'. . . or are a guy who believes he deserves to have all of Max, body, mind, heart and soul?' with that the voice shut up. There was nothing else he could do to help.

That made Alec stop and think. He wanted to be more than a soldier. He wanted to be a person he could respect, and he was - at the moment. Alec knew he would lose his self respect if he walked through that door now. How could he possibly respect himself if he listened to his body and not his heart. 

He knew he would wake up after fucking Max - because that's all it would be - and he would hate himself for caving, and quite possibly he would hate Max for having enough power over him to make him cave. That was one street he was not going to go down - no matter how hard it got outside this door. 

He could just walk away and make it easier for himself by having Bic protect Max, but he didn't. He wanted to be the one that protected her. Even though this was killing him, he still wanted to be close. He had to be close to Max, he just had to. 

~~~~****~~~~

A short time later Max woke up. She reached out without opening her eyes. She was praying that what she had dreamt was real, but it wasn't. There was no Alec beside her. She remembered the conclusions that she had reached while she was exercising. She would stay in this room for the remainder of her heat. She would wait it out, and then kill Alec. Well maybe not kill him exactly. Nice thought now, but she knew she would regret it. She knew that Alec was her life, and that he was that missing piece that would make everything worthwhile. She had saved the cold shower for when she woke up craving Alec. Just as well.

"Damn, that was one hot dream," she said aloud. "He better live up to the dream otherwise I'm gonna kick his ass. If this is what it takes to get him to believe that I love him, then I'll do it. But he is so going to make this up to me. How I haven't quite figured out yet, but he will." The thoughts of just what she would get Alec to do were very tempting, very tempting indeed. So much so that she almost began to purr.

"I also need to do this for myself, to see if it is possible for me to think of his needs before my own for a change," she continued aloud, trying to get her thoughts off Alec for five seconds. 

"If I can do this, then I will know that I've changed and that I can think of him before myself. Do I have the strength of character?" she asked herself, rolling to a cooler patch on the bed.

"I damn well hope so, otherwise I don't deserve Alec. If this is hard on me then it must be absolutely terrible for Alec. Good thing he pissed off when he did. There's no need for both of us to feel like crap." Max had just about worn herself out with all the thinking she had done lately. And she thought she had things all figured out back at TC. 

"Well the exercise and sleep have worn off, the temperature is starting to increase again. Time for that cold shower," she said as she walked to the bathroom, shredding her clothes as she went.

As Max was still in the habit of talking out aloud Alec had heard every word.

"Shit. I think I just heard Max say that she loves me, but better yet, that I will get another chance with her. Now I really want her right now. Kicking in the door sounds like a good idea."

Hearing not only that she was going to have a shower, but also the sound of her clothes dropping on the floor was almost too much for Alec. Combine that with the words that she still loved him and Alec was at the door, hand on the door handle.

'Hang on buddy. Did you miss what she said? Were you not listening?' asked the voice as though he was speaking to a kid. A kid who knew he was going to do something wrong. 

' 'If this is what it takes to get him to believe that I love him, then I'll do it.' That's what she said. Remember?' continued the voice, ignoring Alec's growling. One of these days Alec was going to kill the voice in his head - as soon as he figured out how. 

'If you break the door down now who's going to have trust issues? Then you will have to convince her that you do believe her, and you do don't you?" questioned the voice, just to make sure. 

"Yeah I do believe her," replied Alec with a smile on his face as he realised it was the truth. He did truly believe Max loved him.

'Well convincing her that you do believe her isn't going to be easy if you fuck her now.' The voice could tell that Alec was slowly starting to listen to him, but too slowly. Time for the big guns. He had to get Alec's hand off the door handle.

'I can just see the morning after now,' sighed the voice. 'You still wondering if it was just heat talking, and Max thinking it was just your reaction to her heat. Not a great way to start a relationship.' 

"You know what?" said Alec as he removed his hand from the door handle. "I hate it when you are right. It pisses me off because you always stop me having fun," whined Alec as he resumed his seat back on the floor next to the door..

'Suck it up pretty boy,' smirked the voice. 'You know you'll thank me later.'

"Humph," was all Alec said in response.

~~~~****~~~~

The rest of the day was almost impossible to get through for both of them, but doubly so for Alec. The thought 'so close, yet still so far away' kept running through his mind. It was pure torture being so near to Max but being unable to touch or talk to her. He knew he couldn't risk trying to talk to her through the wall. He was strong, but he had his limits. 

He also knew that Max was not only doing this for him, but also for herself to see if she could do it. To see if she was strong enough. Every time he was about to kick down the door he remembered her words 'Do I have the strength of character? I damn well hope so, otherwise I don't deserve Alec.' Now he couldn't kick the door down just in case she doubted if she did deserve him. 

All this going around in circles was giving him a headache. He would be so glad when her heat was over. Hopefully it wouldn't be that much longer, because it was getting harder and harder to resist temptation. But he would resist for all he was worth. They both deserved that.

~~~~****~~~~

It felt like forever but finally Alec could sense that Max's heat was over. He stood up and walked to the door. He paused to take a deep breath and to find his courage. He had no idea how Max was going to react when he walked in the door. Oh well, there was only one way to find out. With that thought in his head he grabbed hold of the door handle, took another calming breath and opened the door.


	12. Part 12

****

Endure No More

Part 12

****

Disclaimer: If it has anything to do with Dark Angel or its production company, then it's not mine. I wish I did own something, but I don't.

**Authors Notes:** Check out Agora for more DA and other fanfiction as well as original writing by some very talented writers.   
agora.suddenlaunch2.com   


~~~~ **** ~~~~ 

"Hey Max," said Alec quietly as he came to stand in front of her.

"Hey yourself," she replied exhaustedly and a little hesitantly. She couldn't help wondering why he was here now. Right now as her heat finished, not before and not after, but NOW.

"Come here," he said softly, opening his arms, love shining in his eyes.

She ran to him. She couldn't help it. She really wanted to be angry at him for leaving her when she needed him the most, but she couldn't. She had finally figured out that he needed his space to believe that she did truly love him. The light in his eyes told her he now believed her and was ready to give her his heart again. But better still, he was willing to accept her love and her heart. The agony of having to go through her heat alone was well worth it if this was her reward. 

"Oh Alec," she sobbed in his embrace. "I thought . . . I thought that you . . ."

"Shhhh. I know. I know. It's ok," he said trying to quieten her down. He never expected this reaction that's for sure. Yelling and screaming maybe, but not tears.

"I know I should have been here for you, but . . ." he started.

"No Alec, you were right. I'm glad you left," she said forcefully, looking him straight in the eyes to make sure that he would understand what she wanted to say. She wiped her tears away with the back of her hand before continuing.

"I realised that just saying the words doesn't mean anything. Actions speak louder than words, and well, my actions hadn't exactly shown you how much I loved you." 

She gently led him to the sofa. After seeing the look of love in his eyes she knew that there would be a relationship between them, but first they had to talk, really talk and communicate. They had a lot of things to discuss before they could move on. 

"In my mind I thought coming up here would prove to you how much I love you," she said as they sat down. She took both his hands in hers. She needed the physical contact with him to give her the strength to say what she wanted, needed to say.

"Once I got here I realised that perhaps I should have thought more about what you wanted, especially after some of the things Bic was saying. She knows you better than I do, and she's only known you for a few weeks." 

Alec tried to interrupt her, but she wouldn't let him. She had to tell him, even though it was really hard to find the words to explain. She took a deep breath, looked down at their entwined hands and continued. 

"When I was in heat, I finally saw that everything was about me. **I** loved you. **I** wanted you. **I** needed you. I. I. I. I never stopped to think about you, about what **you** wanted, about what **you** needed," she said as she risked looking into his eyes again. The understanding and love she saw almost overwhelmed her. That, and the fact that he was gently caressing her hands as she spoke, enabled her to carry on.

"As soon as I started thinking about you and trying to put myself in your place everything made sense. It suddenly became clear why you left me in Seattle, and why you left me in heat. Of course," she said jokingly with a grin on her face as she tried to lightened the mood a little, "you will be paying for that little episode for a long time to come." 

"No, no comments from you," Max said, stopping him just as he opened his mouth to say a smart remark. "It's my time to talk. I have to get this off my chest and if I don't do it now I'm not sure I'll have the courage to try again." Max took a few seconds to regain her train of thought.

"OK where was I? That's right. Heat," she sighed with a mock glare at him before turning serious again. 

"During all that time alone," she started, with a quick, pointed glare in Alec's direction, "it finally sunk in that you didn't think I loved you - the real you, not the façade you. I know you told me the same thing, but I still thought it was my problem. Finally I figured out that it was your problem and not mine." She could feel his agitation and tried to calm him by caressing his hands as he had done to her earlier. 

"I couldn't solve this one Alec," she said softly. "It wasn't my problem. It was something you had to sort out on your own, and I wasn't helping by being here." She raised her hands to stop him from talking yet again. "My turn I said, yours will come," she said gently but with determination in her voice.

"Because you doubted me, how would you know that heat wasn't a factor in my being here? You concluded, wrongly I might add, that my heat was driving force behind my decision to come up here." She looked deep into his eyes to make sure he knew that she did understand his dilemma. 

"Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't," she said with a small shrug of her shoulders. "It's neither here nor there now. I know it wasn't, but you didn't. And that was all that mattered. What you thought."

"I worked out that if anything had happened between us you always would have had a small doubt in the back of your mind that it wasn't really me making love to you, but my heat. As soon as I realised this was what you were thinking I decided that you were right," she said with a depreciating smile as Alec tried to hide his shock at her saying he was right. 

"It was best that you weren't around. I want us to have a relationship based on love and trust. We would have had to work harder to have this if we had made love then." She was silently laughing at the expressions on his face. Shock, hope and desire were all warring to be the dominant expression.

"I guess what I am trying to say, is that my way of trying to prove to you that I love you was to try and get through heat alone, by myself. And I did it," she said with a smile and a hint of triumph in her voice.

"It was hard, don't get me wrong. That was probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and I never want to go through it again, you got that," she said frowning and giving him a teasing kick with her leg that was closest to him. 

"But it made me stronger. I proved to myself and hopefully to you that I would and will do anything for you." She raised her eyebrows as he tried to speak, indicating that she hadn't finished yet. 

"I know it wasn't all about proving myself to you, but in a way it was," she continued thoughtfully. She was speaking almost to herself now and not Alec. 

"I had to make you see that I love you, and that I don't want anyone else - only you. But also that I could put your needs above my own. That's something I have never been good at," she said with a sigh. She hated admitting to her weaknesses, but this was Alec. If she couldn't admit them to him, then who could she admit them to?

She paused briefly, trying to pluck up the courage for what she wanted to say next. She looked him straight in the eyes, attempting to convey all her love not only with her words and voice, but also through her eyes. "**When** we make love, I want you to know that it's me making love to you."

"Max, can I speak now?" he asked softly. He hated that he had put her through all of this. Now it was his turn to open up his heart to her.

"Yeah, I've rambled enough," she replied slightly embarrassed. She hadn't meant to keep repeating herself, it had just happened. And to think, she had had it all planned out what she was going to say and how she was going to explain it. Oh well he was still here, that was a plus.

"Look at me Max," he commanded softly, gently tilting her chin so he could see her face. 

"I was really hurt and disappointed when you turned up here. It was like you hadn't listened to a word I said when we were talking on the phone. And then I realised you were heat." He knew what he had said, and what he was going to say would hurt Max. But he certain she would be more hurt by him not saying it, because she knew it was the truth. 

He took a deep breath before he continued. "I was absolutely gutted. The small ray of hope that glimmered in my heart when I saw you was quickly extinguished by the smell of your pheromones. I was thinking exactly what you thought I was."

"You were right. I needed this time to get things sorted in my head. Having you here in heat made it a lot harder," he really hated hurting her. He tried to soften his words by tracing delicate circles with his thumbs on her palms. "But at the same time it also made it easier." 

At her questioning look he continued. "I had to work things out. I couldn't just push them into the back of my mind and hope they would just disappear. You forced me to come to some conclusions.

This was it. The moment he was both anticipating, yet dreading. He took a deep calming breath. 

"I love you Max, and nothing can change that. I thought running away might have been the answer but it wasn't. As much as I love my life here, something was missing - you." 

She sat there with a silly grin on her face at his declaration of love. She thought it was so sweet. So much better than her disjointed rambling.

"Hearing you talk to yourself and convince yourself that you could handle heat without using me, made me see that you do truly love me." He stopped there as the silly grin on her face was quickly changing into a look designed to kill - him. 

"You bastard. You were at the door the whole time? And you let me suffer." She jumped to her feet, yanking her hands out of his and assumed a fighting stance. To say Max was angry would be a slight understatement. She was fuming. 

She saw Alec's expression change from love, to a little bit of panic and terror, at her reaction to his eavesdropping. She knew he thought he was in trouble - major trouble. Ha. Mission accomplished. He didn't think he could get away with telling her that and expect no reaction, did he?

"Just as well I love you or you would be in so much trouble right now," she replied with a cheeky grin, flopping back down onto the sofa and almost landing in his lap.

"You mean, you aren't going to hit me, or kick my ass?" he asked, very confused at her reaction. Where was the Max of old? Although he had to admit that this cheeky Max was a hell of a lot more fun than bitchy Max.

"Nah. I have much better plans for you and your ass," she smirked. 

"But not now," she said quickly as she saw he was about to make his move. 

"Show me around our new home. Bic was going to show me around, but then you showed up with Quinn and his broken leg, and the rest is history." She straightened up in the sofa to see his reaction, eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Hang on. Back up a bit," responded Alec, nibbling on his thumb with a thoughtful, yet puzzled look on his face. "You mentioned something about **our new home**?"

"Yeah I did." She loved it when she confused and threw him. "Why go back to Seattle when everything I want is right here - you." 

As Alec started to smile - that special smile for when he was truly happy - she knew she had made the right decision. Alec already had a system in place to transport those who wanted to move here from TC. If anyone wanted to stay in TC they could. It would be up to them to choose a new leader, if they even wanted a leader. Max didn't see a need for her to remain in TC. It had survived while she had been moping over Alec, and if she was perfectly honest with herself, she knew she had never been the real leader anyway - Alec was. He had organised TC so it would run smoothly without a leader before he left. Now would be no different.

Alec was ecstatic. He would have moved back to Seattle to be with Max, but it wasn't really an option he had been looking forward to. He'd been hoping to convince Max to stay, but he never thought she would have been able to give up her ties to Seattle without a fight. His heart almost burst as he realised just how deep her love for him was. Never again would he doubt her love - not deep down anyway.

"Max you will love it here, I promise. Come on, I can't wait to show you around and introduce you everyone," he said excitedly. 

"But are you sure you want to see everything now? Maybe we could start with my, I mean, our bedroom?" he said hopefully, like a little boy. She almost caved at the cute and endearing look on his face, but she stood her ground. There would be plenty of time for that later.

"I want to see our new home. I want to love it the way you do," she answered seriously. Alec's face fell at the thought of no immediate lovemaking. 

"I'll make it worth your while, later." she murmured seductively in response to the crestfallen look on his face. Alec's eyes lit up at the provocative promise. 

Together they made their way out of the apartment building. They walked through the settlement, arms wrapped around each other, not caring if the whole world saw their love for one another. Bic smiled as they walked by laughing and joking. She was glad they had found each other. Everyone deserved to be as happy as her and Tai.


	13. Epilogue

****

Endure No More

Epilogue

****

Disclaimer: If it has anything to do with Dark Angel or its production company, then it's not mine. I wish I did own something, but I don't.

**Authors Notes:** The song is 'She Left on a Monday' by Bic Runga - a great New Zealand singer/songwriter  
Check out Agora for more DA and other fanfiction as well as original writing by some very talented writers.  
agora.suddenlaunch2.com   


~~~~ **** ~~~~ 

The tour had taken most of the day and how they ended up on the roof was a mystery. Well not really. The roof was his place, his Space Needle. He wanted to share it with Max. Somehow Max could tell that this place was very special to Alec. It showed in his whole manner. He seemed at peace and relaxed. She thought her heart would burst as she realised that Alec wanted to share his special place with her. Maybe this roof would be their Space Needle? Not his, and not hers, but theirs.

"So this is our Space Needle then?" Max said as she playfully nudged him with her shoulder. 

Alec smiled at her use of 'our'. She had understood why he had brought her here.

"If it meets with your approval, yes," he answered, throwing his arm around her shoulders and wedging her closer against him.

"I love it Alec. It's perfect, because it's ours," she responded softly, looking up into his face with love radiating from her eyes and her voice.

His only answer was a gentle, almost chaste kiss on her lips. There would be time for more later. Not much later, but later.

After all their talking they were content to just sit together peacefully on the roof. For once it was a comfortable and warm silence. They knew exactly where they stood with each other. Sure there would be hard times ahead, and they would definitely have arguments and disagreements, but they knew that what they had together was real, lasting.

As they watched the sun go down over the mountains they realised that this was the start of a whole new life for not just them, but for transgenics in general. Together they would make a strong leadership team - not for fighting and defence, but for living, enjoying and appreciating life. But for now, tonight, it was about them. The setting sun closed one chapter in their lives. The rising sun would herald the beginning of another chapter. In the meantime they had the whole night ahead of them. 

As they walked downstairs to Alec's apartment they could just faintly make out the words of a song coming from a nearby house. It reminded them of just how much they could have lost if they had let pride and fear rule their lives. 

__

She left on a Monday  
She's a siren down the road  
In your herringbone overcoat  
That you don't expect to get back  
  
And it's an ordinary sky  
Today's like any other day  
When all of the aeroplanes   
Write her name in the clouds  
  
And nothing's wrong  
But it's already Sunday  
And you know just how Sunday  
Was the day that she would come around?  
  
Go to her foolish man  
What's the use of having pride if you don't have her?  
She'll endure all she can  
But you could make this easier on her  
  
It's all like sinking  
You're trying to stay afloat  
Like a wind blown paper boat  
Over uncharted sea  
  
There's no question why   
You're driving to kill some time  
Racing the power lines  
Back into town  
  
Go to her foolish man  
What's the use of having pride if you don't have her?  
She'll endure all she can  
But you could make this easier on her  
  
Go to her foolish man  
What's the use of having pride if you don't have her?  
She'll endure all she can  
But you could make this easier on her  
Make this easier on her  
Make this easier on her  
Make this easier on her 

"I love you," they both said simultaneously. What made the moment so special was the combination of anticipation, but also hesitation, of the next step. The anticipation had been building all day, but so had the nerves and hesitation. They both wanted their first time together to be special. They could see the identical look of love and desire reflected in the others eyes. That broke their quiet contemplative mood. 

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Hell yeah!" 

"Last one there is a rotten egg!"

With that they both took off down the remaining stairs as fast as they could in a run to see who would reach the apartment first.


End file.
